dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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