Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
