So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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