I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
