I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
