I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The beer is more important than you right now.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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