is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
