I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
