She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
