Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
