don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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