i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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