I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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