I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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