just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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