My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
