omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
