Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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