I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
