I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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