What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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