The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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