the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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