i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
When are your genitals available?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
