Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
