you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
