Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
