I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
