i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
