if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So many bounce houses so little time
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
