I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
