hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Those nachos came to me in a dream
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
