Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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