HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
