She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
