dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
