my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
