I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
