I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize