I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
