i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
