And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize