So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
