dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize