i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
