There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
