I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
