Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
