Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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