I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
