does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
