I'm going to rape someone's good day.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
