Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
