i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
