u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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