Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
