Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
