sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
