Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Text me some of your sweat
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dear god my vagina.
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