Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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