Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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