Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
