Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
