she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
