there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
