Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
