I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
