thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
