I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
