u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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