i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
