Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
