i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
