you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
