So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
