Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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