Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
