im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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