More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
