Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
