Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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