I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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