Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
