I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
